I’m in a lot of it.

It all started around mile 4.5 of yesterday’s race, and continued to the point where I wanted to sit down and just quit by mile 11. It was brutal.

By far, this was my worst half marathon. By far. I am not pleased with this.

I would recap the thing, but I kind of don’t feel like it’s worth recapping. I’m at a point where I’m not proud of myself, where I’m disappointed with my body and kind of feeling like it’s failed me a little, and I’m absolutely fucking terrified for January now.

Today I am limping. My hip is aching, both achilles tendons are making it difficult to go down stairs, and I am still so tired that all I have been thinking of since I woke up today is getting home and taking a nap.

Right now other people have more confidence in me than I do in myself. GCB has been an incredible support system, and tells me I’ve motivated him to get into running some races (which is the reason I pre-registered both of us for next spring’s Tough Mudder……yes, I’m bitching about a half marathon and am looking to do nearly that distance plus obstacles).

And then there’s Miranda who almost DAILY leading up to my races sends me motivational pictures like this one:

She believes in me more than words fully express, and I will forever be grateful to her for that.

I feel a bit like a masochist right now. I’m miserable with yesterday’s race, yet I have another in (now under) two weeks. I’m looking at races in the future, and I’m still dead set on finishing January’s full marathon.

Even though right now I don’t feel it, I know that I love this. Even though it’s really difficult to remind myself through the popping Advil like candy, this brings me joy. Because I fucking finished it. I wanted to quit over countless miles, and I didn’t.

That right there is something I can be proud of.

And now I have two weeks, then two and a half months, to make my next races better experiences. It will happen.

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As a completely unrelated note, but one that should be shouted from the rooftops, the HUGEST of congratulations go to my girl Ali who got engaged on Friday. I’m so beyond thrilled for her!

A wedding? I love weddings!! Drinks all around!!!