It’s a Beautiful Day

Some days serve as reminders. Some days all it takes is a conversation or a picture or a song to remind you just how lucky you really are.

Today was that day.

Scratch that. I’ve been reminded of this daily for a while now. There’s just something about today though that’s making it that much more evident.

I’m struggling to come up with adequate words right now other than “I am one lucky, lucky lady.”

I have a family who has banded together more in these last few weeks than I ever knew was possible. There have been phone calls and texts and emails and visits and hugs and reminders of the unwavering support system that is in place for if any one of us falls. I am so grateful for them. Today my uncle finalizes his adoption of his wife’s children. HIS children. It’s been a long time coming, and I could not be more thrilled for their whole family. They live in Arizona, which is where I’m headed in October, and I CANNOT wait to see him, his family, and the rest of my aunts/uncles/cousins who live out there.

I have a job, an apartment, a car, and independence. I’m healthy and have the ability to workout and train for races for the lone fact that I like it. Though I’m incredibly sore today, it’s a great feeling to have been sweating for a reason OTHER than just walking out my front door.

My friends are THE best friends in the entire world.

First names start with A. Middle names are Marie. We could start a club.

They are there for me no matter what I need. They are who I want to spend time with. They are family. It took a while for my core group of friends to be built in St Louis, but now that it has been? I can’t imagine it being any other way. I am beyond fortunate to know such an incredible group of people.


And to top it all off, I have the love of my life to go home to every day. Some nights it’s my home, some nights it’s his home, and next spring it will be OUR home. Today I had a couple conversations that reinforced just how incredibly fortunate I am to be with someone who is as kind and thoughtful and generous as he is. He shows me he loves me as often as he tells me. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I honestly can’t imagine life without him. I am SO LUCKY to have him.


Nauseating sap aside, I’m so glad for days like this that I can look back on when a day isn’t so great.


It’s like I said earlier:

 

D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R

This morning I was sitting on the edge of my bed talking to GCB. I didn’t have my contacts in nor my glasses on which meant that I couldn’t really see anything. I told him that I couldn’t even tell if his eyes were open or not, unless he blinked. The following conversation occurred:

Him: Wait, so you can only see movement? Are you like a T-Rex?!?!

Me: No! I don’t have a big head and little arms!!

Him: You ARE like a T-Rex! You run like you have T-Rex arms!!

Me: …….dammit.

You see, months ago our friend and my marathon buddy Stephanie likened herself and me to the dinosaur statues in Forest Park. One day she sent me two picture text messages.

The first:

“This is the angry face I make when I’m running.”

The second:

“This is your idiotic face of joy when you run…”

The thing is, she’s not wrong. Not even a little bit. I grin like a maniac and hold my arms at my sides much like this picture.

Hmmm. I guess I am kind of a T-Rex.

The Good Stuff

I have been overly dramatic and worrying you lovely people unnecessarily. My apologies.

Good things from the past little while:

-Beers in a redneck pool with incredible friends.

-Being able to talk to all three of my sisters for over an hour apiece over the past few days.

-Three engagement announcements for some friends incredibly deserving of that happiness.

-Asking GCB for Gatorade and having him come back with four different flavors because he “knew [I] liked the purpley-blue one, but couldn’t remember which, so [he] just got all of them.”

-Hugs. From my cousins. My aunts. My grandparents. Some of those hugs came after the stampede ignited from my ringing the doorbell….from five cousins at once.

-Realizing that mine, Ali’s, and Alison’s middle names are all Marie. On top of that? All three boyfriends’ middle names are Michael.

-Beginning my countdown to my trip to Arizona. Smiling because GCB gets to go with me.

-Chocolate cake for dinner with my dad, which of course sparked the “Dad is great! He gives us the chocolate cake!!!” comments.

-The comments and emails from you guys. They honestly mean more than you know.

When I Wake Up Tomorrow Will You Still Be Here?

Before you start asking questions, everything is better than fine with GCB. Trust me.

That said, I am coming up on a time in my relationship that is figuring very prominently in my brain.
Three months.
In many regards three months is a relatively inconsequential time frame. One quarter of the year. One season, if traditional seasonal explanations are to be believed. It passes so quickly that at times it’s hard to believe that twelve weeks of a year have just melted away.
Three months is how long I have dated nearly any guy over the course of the last near-decade. Three months is how long it took for them to go, “Um, yeah….nevermind. See ya.” That’s quite the confidence killer, by the way.
Make no mistake about it. My relationship is not ending. Conversations I have had with GCB indicate we’ve got quite a long relationship ahead of us, and I couldn’t be happier about that. Seriously. I think some of my friends are getting weary of hearing me reference that.
It’s not that I am worried, just….cognizant of the time frame.
That must seem absolutely crazy.
Past history makes me aware of this, for lack of a better word, milestone. However, the feelings I have for GCB are palpable. Sometimes my breath is taken away by certain reminders of just how much I love him, and those feelings become stronger every single day.
So why is this weighing on me? I think it in part has to do with a conversation he and I had a while back, wherein he was detailing some things about his job that I know had an outward effect on me. My exterior showed just a slight glimpse of the turmoil inside as I processed tried to process everything I was hearing. However, there was one thing that I knew, KNEW in those moments that kind of terrifies me.
I will not be ok if he does not come home to me.
Perhaps that’s part of why this three month thing is there. Three months has been this glass ceiling, if you will, a time frame I’ve been incapable of surpassing in close to a third of my life. I have no doubt, however, that this time there won’t be resistance. Hell, I’m not even worried about getting past three years. I know he will choose to come home to me.
I know it’s odd to even think about, but I still just want to get past that mark and carry on.

Power of Love

Ok, I’ll be honest. The title has NOTHING to do with anything, except for the fact that the stupid fucking song is in my head. I blame GCB, as this morning he made reference to the fact that I was his lady. OBVIOUSLY I went ahead and started singing at him….that’s right, Celine Dion before 7am…..and NOW the fucking song is STILL STUCK IN MY GODDAMNED HEAD.

Good thing he’s cute.

This picture makes me smile like an idiot

Today is supposed to be Wordless Wednesday. Right now, I am anything but wordless. Not for any bad reason or anything like that. I’m just FULL OF THOUGHTS.

Honestly, I’m always full of thoughts, but some of those are so random, so prime for making you all think I am a lunatic, that I usually keep most of those to myself. Not today.

Random jibberish commencing.

First of all, there’s this:

Awesome, right? My friend Andy has been creating these Faceless Facebook designs, and this is the one he did of me. It’s coming from this picture: 

I absolutely love it. Seriously. He blows me away on a regular basis with his talent.
Not too long ago, my friend Sarah (who works for the Girl Scouts) offered me a chance to get cookies for $1.50 a box. I got ten boxes of Thin Mints. They’re almost gone. Today is the rungriest day I’ve had in a while, and I am working my way through killing the last sleeve of them I have here. My boss thought it was a great idea to tell me that lean proteins would probably be better for me than the sugar. I had to hold myself back from stabbing him in the throat. Maybe it’s that lately my patience at work has been minimal, but for some reason this just bugs me. Like dude? I’m an athlete. I fucking KNOW that protein would be better for me. I also know that if I ate my lunch now, I would be STARVING by the time I got home, and I have a six mile run on my agenda. Being that hungry with that kind of run ahead never ends well. I also know that one sleeve of Thin Mints is not going to kill me. I ALSO know that I’m in better shape than any single person in my group, so I’m pretty sure I’m o-fucking-kay with this decision. Why this is grating on me, I’m not sure, but I’m all bristly about it. Maybe it’s the implication that I don’t fucking know what I’m doing. Because I guarantee you, I fucking know what I’m doing. That statement applies to work too. I’m trying really hard to not rant about work right now. It is difficult not to. Whatever.
Happier topic. This week I got my flight booked to go out to Portland to see my dad’s side of the family. I am pretty pumped. Granted, I don’t have my flight back yet (still waiting for prices to drop), so that could get entertaining. Not only will I get to see a good chunk of my family (immediate AND extended), but I am taking twelve days off work. TWELVE. I am REALLY looking forward to it.
And then there’s this whole Ann’s running a LOOOOOONG way in like a week. Guess who just took five days off from working out? This girl. Guess who’s just SO burnt out that she’s looking forward to the END of Ragnar? This girl. I am really excited about this race, truly, but at this point I cannot physically improve anymore. I cannot get into my own head about failure, because it’s not an option. I cannot do anything but push myself to the limits and beyond, experience the whole race, and then come home for a pedicure that finally WON’T get jacked up and a few days of doing absolutely nothing while staying guilt-free. I realized yesterday talking to GCB that I have been in training mode since last AUGUST. I need a fucking break. But until then?
Impossible is nothing
My motivation is gone today.
The end.

I Got You Babe

How you know you’re kind of a nerd:

When deciding the specific date for your anniversary, you choose based on the fact that all the numbers are factors of four.

How you know your boyfriend is awesome:

He chuckles and says, “Deal.”

Dizzy

Last night I went over to Ali’s for some friend time and some laundry time….and some whiskey time. Yes, by Tuesday it had already been that kind of week.

We were discussing upcoming weekends when it dawned on both of us just how busy this summer is shaping up to be. Let’s take a look, shall we?

This weekend contains a baseball game on Friday then a trip to Kansas City to see my roommate from my freshman year of college marry the guy she’s been with SINCE then. I’m pretty pumped.

Next weekend is a 10k race and a winery trip.

The weekend after is Ragnar.

Then I’m taking GCB to Jeff City to meet the parents and baby sister and brother. There has been talk of maybe going to a beer festival this same weekend and also possibly to GCB’s parents’ for Father’s Day.

Then I’ll be in KC for the Cards/Royals series at Kauffman and to see my awesome friend Jamie.

Then there’s a float trip possibility.

Then Portland (I hope…come on flight prices, drop a little bit!) to see my dad’s side of the family (complete with sister/bro-in-law/niece/nephew).

Two weeks later is a baseball game and a Pub Crawl.

Then the Tap N Run.

Then a free weekend (if you’ve kept up, this is the first weekend in August).

Then a trip to the lake.

That brings me to mid-August. When I start training again for the two half marathons (in October and November) and the full (in January).

No, I’m not busy, why do you ask?

L is for the Way You Look at Me

Fuck it. I don’t even care that it’s hardly been any time at all.

I am so insanely in love with the boyfriend on every single possible level. I want to will be with him forever.

I have never been so sure of anything or anyone in my entire life.

He is absolutely perfect for me. There is nothing I’ve found that isn’t more fun when he’s there.

Every single day he gives me more reasons to fall further in love with him.

Hesitation, fear, concern, doubt, apprehension, all of those emotions that have always been so prevalent with anyone else are completely nonexistent.

Am I crazy for this? Is it ridiculous to have thoughts like these so soon?

Probably.

And I don’t care.

I love him. Full stop.

/super girly post