Can I just say I love you all for your comments and emails yesterday? Truly, I do. Seriously, you guys are the bestest (even the Anon, whose identity is still a mystery to me).
I feel, though, that there’s a teensy bit I should clarify.
When I say I know exactly what I want, it’s a list of intangibles, things that are the opposite of stuff I have seen and experienced in my past that led me down some incredibly painful roads. My list is one that may not describe a perfect person, as I don’t think anyone could possibly be perfect, but might describe someone who is perfect FOR ME. I don’t think it’s a bad list either. As my lovely friend Erratic pointed out, sometimes things on the “list” may have to take a back seat if the right person comes along, and while I know she’s absolutely correct, there are things on my list that are flat out non-negotiable. I will not go back to where I was nine years ago. I will never again be subjected to a partner who thinks it’s within his rights to control me. I don’t think I should have to either.
I want someone I can talk to.
I want someone who trusts me.
I want someone who doesn’t use guilt as a tool of manipulation.
I want someone who understands that I have my girlfriends and will spend time with them WITHOUT him.
I want someone who’s ok with that.
I want someone who doesn’t try to change things about me like how I dress, what I listen to, which sports teams I cheer for.
I want someone who’s willing to discuss opinions when we differ in mindsets, rather than getting angry because I don’t agree with him.
I want someone who is willing to admit when he’s wrong, someone who will forgive me when I’m wrong.
I want someone who will listen to me and understand that my feelings are valid, even if at times they come from a source best described as “the crazy part of Ann’s brain.” I’m capable of recognizing that I’ve been crazy, I promise. It just might take me a day or two.
I want someone I want to spend time with.
I want someone who won’t ignore what I’m saying just because it’s something he doesn’t want to hear.
I want someone who will hold my hand during the rough times.
I want someone who’s willing to cheer me on and encourage me, someone who will be my biggest fan.
I want someone who understands that I yell at the TV during hockey games. And baseball games. And football games even when I don’t have a favorite team. And curling. Oh hell, I yell at sports.
I want someone who makes me laugh. And someone who makes me think.
I want someone who makes me want to be a better person.
I want someone I don’t want to live without.
I want someone who loves me for who I am, who accepts every part of me, flaws and all, and is willing to navigate all the bumps in the road along the way. I want someone who is willing to work for it, for US, if it’s right. I want a partner and an equal, and someone who sees me as such.
I think this is a damn fine list.