Some Nights

Tonight we ring in a new year, and what a year it’s been.

I have tried writing this post nearly every day over the last week, yet I just can’t seem to find the words. This year has been more than I could ever expected in every single facet.

Tonight’s festivities will be spent around some of my best friends in the world, all of us dressed to the absolute nines and just basking in the glow of being young and alive and in love (and having gotten through that pesky apocalypse thing).

This year has been by far the best year of my whole life.

Next year? It’s going to be even better.

Happy, happy new year to all of you! I hope it’s everything you hope for it to be and more.

See you in 2013!!

It’s a Beautiful Day

Some days serve as reminders. Some days all it takes is a conversation or a picture or a song to remind you just how lucky you really are.

Today was that day.

Scratch that. I’ve been reminded of this daily for a while now. There’s just something about today though that’s making it that much more evident.

I’m struggling to come up with adequate words right now other than “I am one lucky, lucky lady.”

I have a family who has banded together more in these last few weeks than I ever knew was possible. There have been phone calls and texts and emails and visits and hugs and reminders of the unwavering support system that is in place for if any one of us falls. I am so grateful for them. Today my uncle finalizes his adoption of his wife’s children. HIS children. It’s been a long time coming, and I could not be more thrilled for their whole family. They live in Arizona, which is where I’m headed in October, and I CANNOT wait to see him, his family, and the rest of my aunts/uncles/cousins who live out there.

I have a job, an apartment, a car, and independence. I’m healthy and have the ability to workout and train for races for the lone fact that I like it. Though I’m incredibly sore today, it’s a great feeling to have been sweating for a reason OTHER than just walking out my front door.

My friends are THE best friends in the entire world.

First names start with A. Middle names are Marie. We could start a club.

They are there for me no matter what I need. They are who I want to spend time with. They are family. It took a while for my core group of friends to be built in St Louis, but now that it has been? I can’t imagine it being any other way. I am beyond fortunate to know such an incredible group of people.


And to top it all off, I have the love of my life to go home to every day. Some nights it’s my home, some nights it’s his home, and next spring it will be OUR home. Today I had a couple conversations that reinforced just how incredibly fortunate I am to be with someone who is as kind and thoughtful and generous as he is. He shows me he loves me as often as he tells me. He makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. I honestly can’t imagine life without him. I am SO LUCKY to have him.


Nauseating sap aside, I’m so glad for days like this that I can look back on when a day isn’t so great.


It’s like I said earlier:

 

The Good Stuff

I have been overly dramatic and worrying you lovely people unnecessarily. My apologies.

Good things from the past little while:

-Beers in a redneck pool with incredible friends.

-Being able to talk to all three of my sisters for over an hour apiece over the past few days.

-Three engagement announcements for some friends incredibly deserving of that happiness.

-Asking GCB for Gatorade and having him come back with four different flavors because he “knew [I] liked the purpley-blue one, but couldn’t remember which, so [he] just got all of them.”

-Hugs. From my cousins. My aunts. My grandparents. Some of those hugs came after the stampede ignited from my ringing the doorbell….from five cousins at once.

-Realizing that mine, Ali’s, and Alison’s middle names are all Marie. On top of that? All three boyfriends’ middle names are Michael.

-Beginning my countdown to my trip to Arizona. Smiling because GCB gets to go with me.

-Chocolate cake for dinner with my dad, which of course sparked the “Dad is great! He gives us the chocolate cake!!!” comments.

-The comments and emails from you guys. They honestly mean more than you know.

Power of Love

Ok, I’ll be honest. The title has NOTHING to do with anything, except for the fact that the stupid fucking song is in my head. I blame GCB, as this morning he made reference to the fact that I was his lady. OBVIOUSLY I went ahead and started singing at him….that’s right, Celine Dion before 7am…..and NOW the fucking song is STILL STUCK IN MY GODDAMNED HEAD.

Good thing he’s cute.

This picture makes me smile like an idiot

Today is supposed to be Wordless Wednesday. Right now, I am anything but wordless. Not for any bad reason or anything like that. I’m just FULL OF THOUGHTS.

Honestly, I’m always full of thoughts, but some of those are so random, so prime for making you all think I am a lunatic, that I usually keep most of those to myself. Not today.

Random jibberish commencing.

First of all, there’s this:

Awesome, right? My friend Andy has been creating these Faceless Facebook designs, and this is the one he did of me. It’s coming from this picture: 

I absolutely love it. Seriously. He blows me away on a regular basis with his talent.
Not too long ago, my friend Sarah (who works for the Girl Scouts) offered me a chance to get cookies for $1.50 a box. I got ten boxes of Thin Mints. They’re almost gone. Today is the rungriest day I’ve had in a while, and I am working my way through killing the last sleeve of them I have here. My boss thought it was a great idea to tell me that lean proteins would probably be better for me than the sugar. I had to hold myself back from stabbing him in the throat. Maybe it’s that lately my patience at work has been minimal, but for some reason this just bugs me. Like dude? I’m an athlete. I fucking KNOW that protein would be better for me. I also know that if I ate my lunch now, I would be STARVING by the time I got home, and I have a six mile run on my agenda. Being that hungry with that kind of run ahead never ends well. I also know that one sleeve of Thin Mints is not going to kill me. I ALSO know that I’m in better shape than any single person in my group, so I’m pretty sure I’m o-fucking-kay with this decision. Why this is grating on me, I’m not sure, but I’m all bristly about it. Maybe it’s the implication that I don’t fucking know what I’m doing. Because I guarantee you, I fucking know what I’m doing. That statement applies to work too. I’m trying really hard to not rant about work right now. It is difficult not to. Whatever.
Happier topic. This week I got my flight booked to go out to Portland to see my dad’s side of the family. I am pretty pumped. Granted, I don’t have my flight back yet (still waiting for prices to drop), so that could get entertaining. Not only will I get to see a good chunk of my family (immediate AND extended), but I am taking twelve days off work. TWELVE. I am REALLY looking forward to it.
And then there’s this whole Ann’s running a LOOOOOONG way in like a week. Guess who just took five days off from working out? This girl. Guess who’s just SO burnt out that she’s looking forward to the END of Ragnar? This girl. I am really excited about this race, truly, but at this point I cannot physically improve anymore. I cannot get into my own head about failure, because it’s not an option. I cannot do anything but push myself to the limits and beyond, experience the whole race, and then come home for a pedicure that finally WON’T get jacked up and a few days of doing absolutely nothing while staying guilt-free. I realized yesterday talking to GCB that I have been in training mode since last AUGUST. I need a fucking break. But until then?
Impossible is nothing
My motivation is gone today.
The end.

Dizzy

Last night I went over to Ali’s for some friend time and some laundry time….and some whiskey time. Yes, by Tuesday it had already been that kind of week.

We were discussing upcoming weekends when it dawned on both of us just how busy this summer is shaping up to be. Let’s take a look, shall we?

This weekend contains a baseball game on Friday then a trip to Kansas City to see my roommate from my freshman year of college marry the guy she’s been with SINCE then. I’m pretty pumped.

Next weekend is a 10k race and a winery trip.

The weekend after is Ragnar.

Then I’m taking GCB to Jeff City to meet the parents and baby sister and brother. There has been talk of maybe going to a beer festival this same weekend and also possibly to GCB’s parents’ for Father’s Day.

Then I’ll be in KC for the Cards/Royals series at Kauffman and to see my awesome friend Jamie.

Then there’s a float trip possibility.

Then Portland (I hope…come on flight prices, drop a little bit!) to see my dad’s side of the family (complete with sister/bro-in-law/niece/nephew).

Two weeks later is a baseball game and a Pub Crawl.

Then the Tap N Run.

Then a free weekend (if you’ve kept up, this is the first weekend in August).

Then a trip to the lake.

That brings me to mid-August. When I start training again for the two half marathons (in October and November) and the full (in January).

No, I’m not busy, why do you ask?

L is for the Way You Look at Me

Fuck it. I don’t even care that it’s hardly been any time at all.

I am so insanely in love with the boyfriend on every single possible level. I want to will be with him forever.

I have never been so sure of anything or anyone in my entire life.

He is absolutely perfect for me. There is nothing I’ve found that isn’t more fun when he’s there.

Every single day he gives me more reasons to fall further in love with him.

Hesitation, fear, concern, doubt, apprehension, all of those emotions that have always been so prevalent with anyone else are completely nonexistent.

Am I crazy for this? Is it ridiculous to have thoughts like these so soon?

Probably.

And I don’t care.

I love him. Full stop.

/super girly post

Perfect

So.

Besides swooning, what has Ann been up to over the last month?

Home Opener with the bestie:

Rainy day for a baseball game

Chicago aka Vegas repeat:

Blues playoff games:

The zoo:

Leasburg for Ali’s birthday:

Birthday girl!!

One of my absolutely new favorite pictures
The group

Stupidly happy
What I came home to

Oh yeah, and spread out through all of that was the trip to CollegeTown, meeting GCB’s family….parents, sister/bro-in-law/niece, AND grandparents, JD’s birthday celebration, out of town interweb friends being in town, baseball games, my friend Noelle moving back to STL, and realizing just how quickly I am falling have fallen for the boyfriend.

On deck there is:

  • A cousin competing in high jump at the state track meet….as a freshman
  • My freshman year of college roommate’s wedding
  • Ragnar
  • Taking the boyfriend to Jeff City to meet the family
  • Kansas City for the Cards/Royals series
  • Numerous other baseball games
  • Sunday night dinners
  • Alison’s daughter’s birthday
  • Spending every single day being blown away by how absolutely fucking lucky I am

Perfection.

Dust in the Wind

Today has already been an interesting day. Today, after a year and a half and over 300 different posts, I retired my hockey blog.

There are quite a few reasons I have for making this decision, many of which I won’t discuss here as I firmly believe that what happens behind closed doors needs to not make its way onto a public(ish) site. If you’re really curious, ask me. I might tell you.

The biggest reason for this, though, is simple.

Life.

Real life, MY life, the one I’m living right now, has been filling up. I have been doing what I can to take full advantage of things, to EXPERIENCE things, and I was running out of time to give my fullest devotion and effort to the blog, as much as I loved it.

A year and a half ago when my friend Mike suggested I contact the network CEO about writing for her/them, there was a lot of hesitation on my part. I knew how to write, but to write about hockey? I mean, hell, I had only been watching the sport for a year. But I went for it. There were A LOT of growing pains, a lot of time spent finding my voice and my place within not only the network, but within the Blues blogosphere as well. Some of those growing pains hurt like a motherfucker.

The thing is, back then I was struggling. I was struggling really hard with my place in life and how things were going at the time. There were a lot of really down days back then. The blog was a bit of a lifeline for me.

It gave me a sense of purpose, something to work for and towards, something to distract me from the not-so-great days. It allowed me to create a niche, however unexpected, and let me feel one of the greatest senses of belonging ever.

What I didn’t expect, though, were the benefits from such a thing. There were things like becoming a better writer and learning more about the sport of hockey in a matter of months than I ever thought possible. There was the absolute crashing face first, head over heels (further) in love with the Blues. There was an undeniable feeling of connectedness to my city. It brought me closer to friends I’d already had because I was more capable of intelligently discussing this sport.

More importantly than any of that is the people.

There have been the people I’ve had the pleasure of talking to strictly on and because of the Twitterverse and that ever so awesome #stlblues hashtag.

Some of the other writers for the network have become incredibly important parts of my life. There have been Aerys meetups and inside jokes (font bowler…heh) and one particular graphic artist who became and still is a phenomenal friend, with whom I have spent COUNTLESS hours talking to. Then of course there’s Miranda, a fellow writer, who has quickly become one of my closest friends.

But the kicker has been the other Blues fans I’ve met. The people who started as screen names on Game Time or a Twitter handle but who became the people I most wanted to spend time with before, during, and after Blues games. These people became my friends and my fellow tailgaters and road tripping compadres and my half-marathon running buddies and, in a somewhat roundabout way, my boyfriend. They became a family, of sorts. A dysfunctional, sometimes argumentative, always insane, yet incredible and supportive Blues family. There have been some awful days where only their comments and hugs have lifted me up.

I am SO LUCKY to have them.

So I suppose it’s the end of an era. I’ll still contribute to Aerys where I can, but the days of You’re My Boys, Blues are over. It’s been a great era, but it’s time to tackle the next thing life has to offer.

Here we go.

I Don’t Wanna Come Back Down From This Cloud

Here has been my M.O. over the last few weeks.

1. Open mouth.

2. Vomit sunshine and happiness.

3. Repeat a nauseatingly high number of times every single day.

It feels like I am walking through a dream, like there’s no possible way that this can all be real. And yet it is.

There are things that show me this is real. Really real. All of it. There are the text messages that make me smile to the point where my coworker has begun calling me out on them. There are the memories of certain events that give me such a monstrous swoop in my stomach that I stutter step walking down the hall at work (yes, this actually happened this morning).

There’s being curled up in his arms, having the words “I’m crazy about you” whispered in my ear. *swoon*

Then there’s being asked by one of my close friends, “What, are you going to marry this guy?” and having my response be “Um, I don’t know,” which miiiiight have nearly made that friend fall out of their chair since it wasn’t an emphatic “Fuck you” or “Hell to the no.”

There’s the hoping beyond hope that this feeling never goes away.

I recognize that there are bound to be rough times, but this feeling right here makes it so that I’m not even worried about it. If those hard times come around, they come around, and we’ll deal with them then.

But for now? It’s….well, it’s just fucking fantastic.

Oh Baby, Baby

Bullet points!!

  • My sister is having a BOY. Nephew Watch 2012!!! Gah, SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!!!!!
  • I lifted for the first time today since nearly a week before the half. My legs feel great. My arms? Yeeeaaaahhhh, ouch.
  • It is time for me to refocus on how I eat. Again. The last two weeks have been ridiculous with what I’ve actually consumed, so yeah. Getting back to being good. These carrots and hummus are really fantastic.
  • I’m getting really excited for Ragnar. My last few runs have been REALLY awesome. Tomorrow GCB is coming running with me, which will be interesting. Pretty sure he’ll be able to hang, though.
  • Today I actually took measurements for the first time since early February. The reason I started doing so was to see just how I would change during my training, but as I’ve been balls to the wall training for quite a few months now, it seems as though I am at a decent plateau, despite the increase in the half inch or so around my midsection (which I attribute entirely to hormones at this point). I am more than comfortable in my skin. I feel like I’m at an incredible point physically, and it makes me proud of everything I’ve accomplished over the last year.
  • As I was telling mi madre earlier today, I really don’t think life has ever been any better than it is at this moment.
Life is incredible.