I Can Feel It Coming In The Air Tonight

Hangover reference aside, this is not a good thing.

You know that feeling you get when you just KNOW one of those obnoxious, depressive funks is heading your way? Yeah, that’s me today. I am not ok with this.

Sure, it’s nice(?) to have the heads up, but good god this is annoying. There is NO REASON for a funk. None. I mean, shit, things have been going well in nearly all aspects of life.

Work’s busy and a bit stressful, but not to where I can’t handle it (yet). I’m signing another lease on my apartment which means no moving this year either. I found some things out Saturday morning that have made me beyond happy to the point where I can’t really think about it without grinning like a damned imbecile.

So what the fuck is wrong with me? I have so much to do at work, yet my motivation has completely disappeared. I am actually sleeping more through the night, yet I’m always tired. I have plans with fantastic friends for multiple upcoming weekends (beer pong at Ali’s , running with JD, out dancing for our girl Domma’s birthday), and while I’m excited for all these things, right here, right now, I’m down.

Tiny things are swirling through my brain at rapid pace, inconsequential thoughts are taking me over and are growing into big things, things that are threatening to be REALLY BIG THINGS.

They will not be really big things. I can’t let them. I guess the anxious feeling that precedes these funks is a flag waving in the distance yelling at me to snap out of it, do something to distract myself, LIFT MORE, hell, drink more Jameson.

I feel like I’m on a downward escalator, but just realized it was downward and am trying to climb back up to the top before I get to the bottom.

Dammit, that KID is on the ESCALATOR AGAIN!!!

Wild Thing

You know how sometimes I get some really wild hairs (hares?) about me and commit to doing something that’s just wildly insane? Every once in a while, those commitments end up falling through. Remember the 100 Push-Up challenge? That one got derailed when my finger got all surgerized and I got shishkabobed with that damn pin (which is still in a glass vial on top of my entertainment center, where it will remain).

This time, though, I think I’ve gone above and beyond anything I’ve committed to before.

Have you ever heard of a Ragnar race? I have agreed to run in Chicago’s.

Nutshelled: eleven other people and I run a relay race (three legs apiece) over nearly 200 miles, spanning from Madison, Wisconsin to Chicago. My piece will be sixteen miles.

I have until June 8 to make myself be physically capable of running sixteen miles over the course of two full days and overnight.

I’M BRILLIANT.

I also have this crazy idea that I’m just going to up and quit drinking after the weekend of St Pat’s. That’ll give me a full month of no booze before my marathon, which can have nothing but good effects. Now, we’ll see how that choice pans out as I see what the work stress situation is, but I have high hopes.

Hell, last time I quit drinking (for about two months after my Los Angeles trip about a year and a half ago), I lost two inches off my waist in a month. Things could get interesting.

Tomorrow is a day I would normally do Turbokick, but I’m feeling like since I’ve got these two monstrous races headed for me very soon, I should start running again instead. I’ve got six miles on the agenda for Saturday after I lift.

My muscles are never going to forgive me for this.

Up in the Gym Just Working On My Fitness

The other day, Josey posted about her postpartum determination to finish the Couch to 5K program. She asked me in her post about how I chose my lifting/workout routine that helped strengthen my knees before my half marathon.

I told her that I’d get a post up if I got my shit together that day. Clearly, I did not do so. Fail on my part.

But since I’ve been meaning to post about the whole fitness thing anyway, I figured now was as good a time as any. Thanks, Jos, for the motivation.

I haven’t actually written anything about running in a couple months, and back then I was incredibly gung-ho about the race series I had just signed up for. Let’s recap. I ran the 10 mile race on Christmas Eve. I kind of died for a couple weeks with the sickness nonsense. I got back into the gym two weeks ago. Running has all but disappeared from my workout plan. I skipped the 20k race (spent the entire day on my couch), and this past Saturday I was supposed to run a half marathon. Yeah, I lifted early in the morning then went to the Lake and got pretty damn schnuckered instead. I make good life choices. I have been back to lifting though, and lately I’ve been lifting REALLY HARD, just because that’s my way of stress release, of mentally working through things that clog up my brain. I’ve been sore for the last two weeks, because every day I lift, I push harder and harder.

As the Frostbite Series draws to a close (a 15k on Feb 4 that I still haven’t decided if I’m doing, since I don’t know if I could physically handle 9.3 miles in less than 2 weeks), I am realizing just how close the next half marathon is (April 15, for those keeping track).

Back when I signed up for the first one, and again this time, I am putting lifting at the top of my priority list for making it through. I absolutely attribute my ability to finish that race to the strength training I’ve been doing. That aspect of training started as just a fun class to take, but ended up being the key to my success. I recognize that one, I’m not an expert, and two, not everyone has the options available to them that I do, but I feel like there are definitely some items I could contribute.

The particular lifts that have helped me more than just about anything have been the squats and lunges that I do. Josey, this could be something you could do even while you’re holding little Miss Stella, since holding her could be considered adding weight to your lifts, even if it is only 10lbs or so. I’ve found that squats, either weighted (small handweights or a bebe in both hands) or just utilizing one’s body weight, have been helpful when it comes to hamstring and quad strength, and lunges, both stationary and moving, help the glutes and calves.

With squats, it is important to make sure that at the low end of the exercise your knees don’t shift further forward than the ends of your toes. As we’re told regularly, it’s like hovering over a public toilet at the bottom of it. Thighs end up at a slight angle above the knee, or just parallel to the ground, making sure to not go lower than that, with your butt pushed back. I prefer to use a wider stance with my toes turned just slightly outward, keeping my body weight centered, but that’s something everyone can adjust based on their comfort level. At the low end of a squat, weight should be in the heels. If it is, a person should be able to wiggle their toes when they’re at the bottom of the squat. I’ve found that it’s incredibly useful to change tempos during squats so as to take the momentum out of the lift. That disrupts muscle memory and forces the parts of the muscle not normally used to adjust and grow.

It helps me to lift to music, as I can use it as a way to count the timing of my squats. Down for two counts, up for two counts. Down for three counts, up quickly on one. Down for four, up for four. Down for one, hold for one, up for two. If you’re feeling a little adventurous, stay in a low squat and only come half way up for three counts, resetting to a standing position on the fourth. It’s all about comfort level, though. A person’s body will tell them when they physically cannot do something anymore, and surprisingly enough, that cutoff is actually further past what one’s mind will tell them they can’t do.

When it comes to lunges, moving lunges are simple enough. Start at one end of the room, take a large step forward, and lunge down to where your front leg is parallel with the ground. Push up with the front leg and step forward with the back. Repeat all the way across the room, and back if feeling adventurous. The purpose of a lunge is to work the front leg, not the back, and it’s important to keep the heel of the back leg off the ground. Standing lunges can be done with the same mindset as squats, weighted or unweighted, and utilizing the same tempo adjustments.

Though both of these sound absolutely basic, and some of you are probably going “duh, Ann, we’re not fucking stupid,” it’s amazing what kind of an impact they can have. They can be the difference between finishing a half marathon versus having to quit half way through training because of joint issues.

The one final thing that had a huge (and surprising) impact to my running was my core strengthening. Every single class that I take at the gym has an ab portion to it, and building that core strength not only has built my muscles so I stand up straighter (remember the strutting post? Yeah, this had a lot to do with it), but it also helped build my endurance throughout my training. It is very easy to google or Youtube ab workouts, and even just three sets of 12 full situps after a running workout will help more than doing nothing.

It’s important to remember that running is not based on just leg strength. It’s an exercise that requires muscles all over your body. The stronger all those muscles are, the easier running will be. Along with that is one’s own comfort level. I push myself incredibly hard in certain workouts because I like being sore after, feeling like I’ve actually done something. A lot of that pushing is a mental battle however, and the change of a person’s mindset is a lot different than changing a physical habit.

Wanting to change something is not always the same as committing to changing that thing and then following through with it.

I love running and working out. I love the feeling that I get from that adrenaline rush. I love the sense of accomplishment that comes from being able to look back at something and go “look how much I’ve improved.” I’ve especially come to love that the most basic moves have had the most visible impact on how I look and feel and what I’ve become physically capable of doing. I’m by no means a fitness guru, but I’ve become pretty damn comfortable with what I know, what I can contribute.

I love helping people reach their goals, too. I’ve promised my mom that when she gets to the point in her own Couch to 5k journey of actually running the race that I’ll travel up to her and run it as well. I want to be able to do this for everyone, but I think it would be just as much help to offer that support. I’m willing to do that. If you’re new around here and want a helping hand, let me know. I’ll help anyone in any way I can. That I promise.

Take Me Out to the Ballgame

Ok, so I try to not put much of my sports stuffs on here, since I have a different platform for such things, but this past weekend was just beyond amazing that I can’t not tell you about it.

The Cardinals site in the same network I have my Blues site with was given press creds for the Cardinals Winter Warm-Up over the weekend. Out of the three writers for the site, two live in the Quad Cities, the other lives in Arkansas. So I got to go.

I might have squealed when I found out.

It was a lot of work but was quite legitimately one of the coolest experiences I’ve had, so I feel the need to share. Well, that and linking all my posts here will give me a simple way to get back to them.

Before I get to that, I had to share my favorite Twitter conversation from today. The crush Kevin mentions is mildly detailed here.

Anyway, here’s a list of all my posts for the weekend. I loved getting to meet players and feel like a legitimate reporter. Pretty fucking spectacular weekend.

Posts:

Chris Carpenter and Rafael Furcal
John Mozeliak
Lance Lynn, Matt Carpenter, Tyler Greene
Adam Wainwright
Matt Adams, Brandon Dickson, JC Romero
Jason Motte and Shelby Miller
Jon Jay and Daniel Descalso
Mitchell Boggs and Jaime Garcia
Matt Holliday and Lance Berkman
Allen Craig and Kyle McClellan
Mike Matheny
Kyle Lohse and Carlos Beltran
David Freese and Skip Schumaker
The Cool Down post

I’m still walking on air after this. I love that I had the opportunity to do this and be around my favorite team. So awesome. So, so awesome.

Guess Who’s Back? Back Again.

I’m going to toss this out there really quickly.

Fuck insomnia.

It’s back, and it’s angry, and it’s wearing me out.

Last night I went to bed around midnight. This isn’t so uncommon anymore, and I get along just fine on six hours of sleep. But there weren’t six hours of sleep.

There were the dreams through the beginning of the evening that weren’t restful at all. There were the couple of realizations that, “oh look, I’m not asleep.” Then there was the waking up at 430. And 530. WIDE awake. Looked at facebook and my google reader wide awake. I tried sleeping again just to have more of the same types of dreams. Vivid. Stressful. Paralyzing.

I don’t know why I am waking up. This week I’ve been back in the gym finally, after that stupid virus cold shit from hell kept me on the couch for the better part of two weeks, and I am sore. When I wake up, though, I don’t FEEL sore. I am, you know, relaxed, as a sleeping person is wont to do. I don’t think it’s the muscle thing.

It’s all a ridiculous chain of events that then just makes day-to-day things seem that much more unmanageable, that much easier to set me off. I don’t like being tired. I am cranky when I’m tired.

I feel like I’m always cranky anymore. My coworkers are starting to notice.

Thursday night I tried going to bed early. I was curled up under my blankets before 10pm, which is FAR earlier than normal. I laid there for nearly an hour before falling asleep, then woke up around 1245. I hate that my body hates sleep.

I can’t figure out if it’s stress from my rapidly expanding to do list or if it’s a shift back into the physically active lifestyle I was used to (two weeks is enough time to break good habits) or if it’s the other non-work related stuff that’s been plaguing my mind recently.

That mind-plaguing stuff is even more difficult to deal with lately. Things that ordinarily wouldn’t bother me, or would at least have me going “meh, whatever,” are sending me into downward spirals that threaten to eat me alive.

It’s worse when I’m drinking.

I know, I know, easy fix. Stop drinking.

The dream thing just makes it worse. How can you tell your subconscious to just leave you the hell alone? There are people in my dreams who have no business being there. There are instances and situations that make me nearly sick to my stomach, which wakes me up, and then it’s round two of trying to fall asleep while hoping that I’m left in peace.

Most frustrating of all, I just feel tired. All the time. I’ll have to force myself to change and go to the gym, because if I lay down, that’s it. I’m down for the count. At this point, I’m ready to curl up under a blanket and sleep until Tuesday. This is not a viable option for me.

Ugh. Insomnia really for real fucking blows.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

Let me tell you a story.

Today I got hungry (shocking, I know). I decided that I was going to go ahead and eat lunch since, you know, that’s kind of what you do. I’m working on cleansing my whole self from the holidays binge, so I’ve been eating more healthy foods.

Guys, this lunch was a pretty kick-ass salad. Fresh baby spinach, chopped walnuts, craisins, feta cheese, light raspberry vinaigrette. Delicious.

I ate that salad with a vigor. A VIGOR I tell you.

It’s gone now. Guess who was still hungry? Yep. Me.

So what did I do? SOUR CREAM AND CHEDDAR RUFFLES!

They’re healthy, right? Sour cream and cheddar? Dairy. Chips! They’re potatoes. VEGETABLE.

Healthy food in a bag.

Om nom nom nom.

Walk This Way

I have a confession to make.

I strut.

Put me in heels, I strut. If I’m in a shirt that makes me feel a bit prettier, I strut. Hell, if I’m pissed off I strut.

An ex-boyfriend of mine used to call it my “Super Bitch Walk.”

Somehow when I’m wearing red it’s even worse (better?). Something about wearing red makes me feel a bit powerful. I’m not so much talking about the Cardinals stuff I wear on a ridiculously regular basis, but wearing a low-cut, lacy, form-fitted red top last night was a boost.

Today I am feeling pretty. And I’m strutting. In tennis shoes.

I clearly don’t have an issue with low self esteem.

I don’t even feel bad.

I’m So Sick

Seriously. New Year’s stole my voice. Legitimately gone. I try to talk and half my words come out in whispers. It’s annoying. That plus the coughing and hacking and grossness of being sick, well, let’s just say I’m not so fun to be around right now.

That said, I suppose this is the obligatory “Oh holy shit, it’s a new year, and I’ll be writing the incorrect one for the next month!” post. 2011 will live on in the most inconvenient places for a while: checks, lab notebooks….well, those might be it. Regardless.

I’ve seen quite a few posts from other people about what they plan to see in the coming year, what the last year brought them, and there has been much talk about babies and food and health issues etc.

Looking back on my 2011, it has not been about these things. This year wasn’t super stand-out in any way, though it wasn’t a bad year. There were quite obviously ups and downs, as well as a supreme refocusing on fitness and hockey. New and fantastic friends have been made, certain old friends have fallen by the wayside. There’s been lots of laughter and quite a bit of sweat and tears. I’d say it’s definitely been worth it.

It’s funny, looking to the next year, there’s not anything huge I have planned. I’ve got small things here and there, and I’ll definitely to continue to move past certain things, but nothing life-altering that I can tell. Makes me curious to what the future holds.

Which is, of course, why I suppose I find it a bit ironic that I spent a little while switching over to the Facebook timeline thing, which allowed me time to go back through some of my most formative years. As much as certain times in the past were fun then, you couldn’t pay me to go back to them. Cliche though it is, I find I definitely prefer just living in the moment. You never can quite tell where one decision will lead you.

I may not be making a bit of sense, which is logical with the drug-addled haze I’ve put myself in (go Tylenol, go), but be that as it may, I hope all of you have a fantastic year.

Here’s to 2012.